Stranded In Strife.

Kevin-24-nyc.

I hate the fact that at my age I sometimes have to stoop to some peoples idiotic level.
There are other alternatives then to say hurtful things to some people but its the only way you can get through to some and make your point.
You are either wrong or right and in most cases we are 50% wrong but we don’t want to admit it so we continue to entertain our egos and continue to entertain the audience. Doing things publicly was fun when I was 19/20 but now its just sad. I feel like I no longer have anything to prove to anyone and in most cases when I do I have to handle things the violent way and knowing most people they wouldn’t want it to ever really get that far. Trying to keep a positive mental attitude regularly isn’t easy but I can strive to be a better person. We deal with what we got and settle for whatever the outcome.
Keep my head up chin high and my resolve negative free.

Thats your retaliation??

Your best answer to a point ive made is “fuck it” hahaha thats real clever. Anything you say or have will never make you a good father.all that bragging about how good you got it..unconditional love? last i checked you cant even leave the state to see yours, that kid already hates you and you dont even know it, id get tore up on the island? Im sorry papa im not you i dont cry to all my friends desperately trying to find a way out..didnt u get robbed for a pair of headphones? ..soft. As soft as that day i came knockin on your car window asking you to fight me and you sped off…youve had it easy your whole life,the car,the job,the bail money and the support. And another thing if you think im so soft..why dont you make a move and square up and fight me..ill show you that my bite is bigger than my bark..you aint shit.. ill embarrass you and show you that all your luxuries aint worth shit when the man behind it all is nothing more than internet talk and no action. Lift them weights ride your bike and have sex with a minor you pedophile,didnt you fuck a 16 year old daily before you got locked up for almost killing your own family while driving drunk because you couldn’t stand the fact that your baby moms took your kid cause you wouldn’t amount to shit?? The irony is that its the closest ones to you that tell me your dirt “Nobody is better than leaf” we all know the real you and we all know youre the most insecure person. No matter how good a friend is doing you always find a way to shit on their parade and hate on it to make yourself feel better about things because maybe just maybe you truely aren’t satisfied with what you got, I might not have everything but ive got enough to get by and live life well..but you..what do you have? what have you earned? What can you call yours? Cause last i cheked the Closest thing to you was taken away because you will never be good enough, im glad you found a hobby and im glad youve got a solid group of friends but all those things are just a destraction to all of the dirt that youre trying to bury over your problems. Maybe if you werent so busy trying to prove to the world how great youve got it maybe we would actually stop and give you respect for the things youve worked for,you are nothing but a dead beat father and a shit son.

I’m not a expert in relationships but I realized something. No matter how great you think your relationship is you don’t truely know how healthy it is until you see hardship and the best place to put your relationship to the test is at a public event with your friends, a party. That’s when the persons true colors show. When you got a shitty scumbag friend trying to get with your girl on the side. And girls the moment your boyfriend disrespects you infront of all his friends.. when you see a girl all over your man and vice versa. Its all sunshine and rainbows behind closed doors but what happens when that door swings right open and everyone is exposed to what you might hold dear to your heart and the fear of losing them is quite possibly the worst feeling imaginable,the insecurities fall into your lap and the arguments and fights take over. What’s next? What do you do? You put up with it for the sake of love? Attachment. The fear of being alone. The feeling of never finding someone that’ll fill the void like he or she did. Or maybe the fear of them finding someone better. Nothing is perfect.
Nothing is forever.
Let go.

Anonymous asked: I didn't want this to seem weird considering we don't talk much, just have eachother on Facebook, but I wanted to say that I found your tumblr by one of your statuses (irrelivent) And reading some of the things you have to say put me in a lot of perspective about my life and things I need to change. You seem like a wise person and goodhearted, and really honest. Any person would be lucky to have you as a friend or someone close to them.

You didn’t have to ask this As anonymous, but thanks for the compliment whoever you are!

ive been thinking and thinking and ive come to the conclusion a sad one that ill never really find someone i can talk to about my problems i dont open up easily and i think its like that for alot of people, we try and find someone that can hear us out and connect on a far higher level than most people or anyone.

we try to explain our issues to family but some way or another they know how to turn it against you.

friends can turn their backs on you and will tell everyone all your dirty laundry.

some hire therapist.

and i honestly dont blame people that do take their issues to that extent. to hire someone to hear them out.

not having someone there

but in reality all of us are alone and all of us need to deal with our problems in our own way. drugs,alcohol, buying every materealistic item to satisy your need to subdue the pain… we all search for joy.

the sad ones are the ones that kill themselves because they couldnt find it,they gave up on themselves it isnt funny when people make fun of those less fortunate i know i have i know you have.

education. some strive for it some talk down to those that dont have it.

i could careless about education. i want one i work for it but i dont see my higher calling be school. some of us were put on here to be something anything.

feels like everyone is trying to out do eachother and thats fine we all want to be the best at what we do.

but the truth of it all is walking around with a mentality that you are better than everyone will only leave you stranded in one place and if you look around youve driven everyone away and all you are left with is no one but yourself.

true pain is loneliness.

I don’t need constant attention to feel wanted.
I don’t need to be told that I’m a someone to feel something.

Why do we walk around with this chip on our shoulders that we aren’t loud enough to be heard.

I feel as if everyone in some way or another wants to be needed want to be wanted.

Everyone sets themselves up for dissapointments.

Depending on yourself is the safer road not giving yourself completely to a single idea and a feeling. Love.

Its better to show a shell than a single deep seeded emotion, volnerability.
Feeling weak and letting go
Holding onto something that’ll fade.

but I’m talking in circles right about now so let me be blunt about the things I’m about to say..

I don’t give a single god given fuck about a lot of things.
I want my privacy I want my space I don’t want to be wanted I want to just BE.
I don’t need to be loved I rather be hated its much easier walking around knowing that you are not depended on. I depend on no one but myself even if its all I got.

forever.

Day in and day out negativity swells our eyes shut, blinds us from everything that is good and whole.
Nothing is whole,nothing comes full circle,
drowing in endlessness is better than living a life with ending indefinate.
Clouded
Blinded
to live.
to think.
to feel.
To know that nothing is good enough.
Materialistic.

unbreakable
unbendable
manipulated
molded

To become
To be told.
To feel
Everything..


Nothing is none.
Nothing is forever.
Nothing is all that is left
Nothing is everything.

Nothing is all that you are left with in the end.

Closure…

living a worry free life is something that no one in this world will ever experience,

nothing is worth fighting for nothing feels like it matters and not everything should be taken seriously, everyone has a story to tell and the fact of the matter is that not every story is meant to be told.

we hide our most painful memories keep them locked away and throw away the key, it might seem like the right thing to do and at times it feels like its  the only thing to do.To get away to feel normal to convince yourself that it never happend that it wasnt your fault,brush it away and keep living life the way its meant to be lived..i dont really know what that is..live life the way its meant to be lived because my reality isnt yours or anyone elses. what i feel is right might be the wrong thing to everyone around me, having your childhood stripped from you at such a young age growing up was never a factor because growing up was that moment when you couldn’t defend yourself because you are told that its ok and in my older years i realise that it wasnt..it wasnt my fault.

im a very angry person and its my biggest flaw, i control myself in very tight situations but in the back of my mind i question myself as to why i held myself back. its a natural thing for me to swing a fist at the blink of an eye without thinking of consequences…as i get older i see that the choices i make are mine and my own and the life i have is mine..no one can feel what i felt and its nobodys fault.

we all have our problems.

i dont want people to walk in my shoes.

my future is mine and what i make of it is up to me.

i dont want help with what ive been through.

nothing i say or do and make of myself will get rid of the demons that haunt me even if i open up to someone.

its too late to seek help.

but the only thing that does bother me about all of this is the  ”what if”.

what if i didnt go through any of it….

or the “maybe”

maybe things would have been different……

ill never know the answers because i wont go looking for them.

i will never truly forget..

i wont go looking for closure because even if i did.

i wont find it.

Reduce,Reuse….

all this scene shit has been done before.dressing like women,homosexual hairstyles,shitty uninspired music to make a profit a quick buck anything to appeal to a large crowd..yeah..2011 is a clone version of the 80s. Its all the same just recycled differently..all these bands that you guys jock, you act like they are so exclusive and different but they are on magazine covers,mainstream media and everywhere on the internet. I’m proud to say that what I like isn’t for everyone and its only for me and the people that can connect to it on a whole different level than just the look and the typical sound. But I don’t see myself sucking every band that came out yesterday to impress ANYONE. Fuck all these corny shitty bands I’m over it. And fuck all of you for trying to justify your reasoning behind liking bands like,prada,emmure,attack attack,ect ect…not one meaningful lyric recycled music for a recycled generation.

FAKE…lets break it down.

Another one of my favorite words is…FAKE.

I find that word to be misused a lot,I don’t really use it much or ever feel the need to say someone is fake cause come on..we all have our moments.
The way I see it everyone is fake either in a positive or negative way. But seriously what is fake?

Some people say its talking behind someones back and smack talking them.
The other might be associating yourself around someone you hate but do it for the sake of not starting any trouble.

Well that’s typical. EVERYONE DOES IT.shit I have to chill around NATHAN all the time at shows only difference is that I tell him I think he blows and he’s a total jock but hey atleast I’m comfortable around the guy to even tell him he’s a total social reject at the age of 55.

But again fake.

I see it like this fake people from my point of view are Mostly. INSECURE. But I just used one word to describe another.. Well yeah that’s how it is people are so fucking insecure that they have to put up an act. They show this side of themselves that doesn’t exist.
This Huge wall is built and the foundation is weak.

You show off your boyfriends/girlfriends all over the internet to show that you have someone, that maybe you aren’t lonely as everyone thought…you listen to music you know you would never listen to but you do..for acceptance for a nod..for common ground..for..for?
What the fuck is it all for?
Fuck everyone honestly.

I don’t need to show ANYTHING OFF. I don’t have anything to begin with.

FAKE.

You sit at home bored alone on your laptop pop punk on full blast and you go on youtube and post madball lyrics.

Fake…to show that you are.ARE…

You ask yourself questions ANONYMOUS on tumblr and answer them expecting me to sit here and actually believe someone went out of their fucking way to ask you a retarded questions that no moving creature on this planet would even think to ASK. Get the fuck out of here.

Fake…for attention.


Attention..

No my post on the internet aren’t for attention they are meant to be looked at.
I like causing a ruckus. Its fun to be myself..its genuine.


Fake..for friendship.

You chill with people you once shitted on.. a group you poked fun at with the judgemental finger and with that same finger you post a status of how great your night was with them.


Fake….to agree.

You agree with this post.
To hope that this isn’t about you..so you agree..or disagree..you leave no comment..so it was never looked at. It never happend.

Fake is a term used for things that aren’t authentic.

Fake to me isn’t a shit talker.
Fake is someone that can’t be themselves. That can’t go a day without thinking of what others will think.

A post on tumblr after the next..a picture shared..a anonymous question asked and answered a facebook status posted a picture like a comment deleted. That’s the world we live in a click can make or break you…just be you..even if no one agrees..its YOU. U live and breath your breath. They don’t..I don’t.

Be Real.